MelaniePhoebex

About<
Age:	16
Sex:	Female
Location:	Wonderland ;), UK
Sign:	Capricorn
About Me:	I'm only 14 but I LOVE the Cure, I got into them when I was eight thanks to my dad and I have loved them ever since. They've got me through some bad times and are a great insperation for me. Although my style of music is changing I will, for sure, love
Signature:	“Be who you want to be not who people want you to be”
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Yahoo:
Windows Live:	themoon97@hotmail.com
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Activity
Member Since:	Feb 16, 2011
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Total Posts:	222
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Comments

macswftomov

How to flash swf to avi?

Posted by macswftomov on Dec 1, 2011 10:39 PM (GMT-04:00)

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leahcl

Hello,

Posted by leahcl on Nov 3, 2011 9:49 PM (GMT-04:00)

Hi Melanie, I hope you are doing really well. I am doing excellent and I have just got a job! It took a while but it is absolutely perfect for me. I am starting to believe that everything happens for a reason again or maybe just that shit happens. How are you doing at school? Any new boy dramas? wishing you health and happiness :)

leahcl

Hi There

Posted by leahcl on Jul 31, 2011 7:00 PM (GMT-04:00)

Please to hear you're moving forward, sounds like CAMHS are a great help. I am really well. I have just started a MYOB course which I am enjoying. It is great to be learning something new and it should help me get a part time office job. Ahh boys. boys will always keep life interesting and they can be such a roller coaster! Best wishes and thanks for letting me know that you're OK :)

leahcl

...

Posted by leahcl on Jul 26, 2011 10:57 PM (GMT-04:00)

Just checking in to say hi and that I hope you're doing well. :)

leahcl

Greetings

Posted by leahcl on Jun 26, 2011 9:35 PM (GMT-04:00)

I think that it human nature for the mind to search for answers when what is happening to it doesn't make sense and sometimes what it comes up is fukd. I started to become ill toward the end of 2008. I was in a car accident and that may have been the cause but it may have just been bad luck - I think I've mentioned it before that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. My doctor seems to now think that it was the Depression that came first and that a psychosis manifested itself. My kids took it as it came I suppose. I remember weeping while I was reading them night time stories and they were so used to it that they would not ask me what was wrong. They did go through a phase when they tore up all of their books. My son asked me a couple of months ago why I used to talk to myself. My answer about the time that I was ill was that I had a sore head. What could be strange to you is that throughout that time I was not suicidal, my head was just physically fukd. It was only in August 2010 or so that I was so exhausted that I had no will to live. I know now that my head works harder than it should and probably will continue to because of the anti-psychotic medicine. The one question that I still have is how the family around me let it go on, I must have looked like I was on drugs. I did push it all away when I was around them but still. Maybe because my husband came home from work exhausted he never paid attention?, thought it was my way and that I was just unhappy in the marriage? Who knows. I never told them about my symptoms. My answer when he did start to question me was that it was probably because I had been at home with the kids for too long. The alarm bells really started to go off in Feb 2010 when I started laughing spontaneously to myself and when I ended up in hospital from having an anxiety attack. I thought I was going to die that day. You are already way ahead by getting help for yourself and bringing what you are going through to the attention of your family. No one will ever fully understand what you are going through because they can't see it or feel it. It is quite a lonely place to be, but in the end we are are all alone in life and have to be self sufficient. It is unfortunate that your innocence has been stripped away so early, thats how I felt anyway, stripped of my innocence. Now that I have worked my way through the crap I am now pretty happy, I just need to find myself a school hours job..... Hope you're having a good day :)

leahcl

Hi

Posted by leahcl on Jun 23, 2011 10:30 PM (GMT-04:00)

You know it is interesting that mental illness is just like any illness, with the right treatment you can live a normal life - the doctor just has to find what's right for you. I am very lucky, it took him under a year to get it right and it would have been sooner had I been honest about my symptoms. Because I was in a psychosis and still able to function I took the delusions as they came. I believe you when you say you saw a girl, they can probably fester in many ways. Some of mine included that I was being followed via satellite, that my watch was a transmitter, (you know how you sometimes see people talking to themselves?), that the television was current and about my life, that people were actually talking to me through the television, that the lines that appear on the television were people saying hello, and that everyone was in on it. Oh and all the links to stuff through songs! Everything had to mean something fcked. I believed that the sound was turned on and transmitted from my house with everything exposed. I think that was the hardest one, thinking that everything that I said and did was being watched or heard. All this happened while I was caring for my two children. It has all gone now. Breaking down the memories, forgiving myself and moving on took a bit to get through. I had literally gone insane and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The less crap that you have to look back on the better. I hope all goes well for you in the near future. You have been brave enough to to be honest with yourself and set it all up for yourself. You should be pleased. It has actually been great for me to explain myself to you. It does lighten the load. Bye for now xoxo

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