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Lestat

Oh my God. River is reinforcing my conviction that the dark haired man is really a psychic vampire. I've been saying for weeks how he's like Lestat and I just read that Anne Rice really wanted River to play the role of Lestat in the film. River was slated to be a part of the vampire project until his untimely death. :(  Phoenix is also a theme about rising from the ashes so perhaps that's another reason why I saw him.

Life is like a River...kicking and screaming to get out

 Saturday night I was riding around with River Phoenix in this silver little convertible and then we were out on a boat together. I was aware that it was River and I was extremely charmed by him. In the dream it felt like we were in love, but there were a bunch of other women vying for him and I kind of gave up and left because I figured he wouldn't notice if I were gone.  River died from a heroin/cocaine "speedball" type of concoction, jsut like the other one I saw last week. I didn't think too much about why I was seeing River until I googled his life and I found out that River died on halloween and I had the dream in that time frame.

  The difference bewteen those two was astounding. River had a deeper peace and I felt safe with him, but that was not the case with the other one. The more troubled one is still in the process of soul recovery and he's watching the TV to cultivate the aspects of his soul that were damaged or trapped by all of the years of angst and heroin. Due to clairsentience issues, I had  a bad case of "dreamer's empathy" and I felt like I was jacked up on heroin and I had these really awful visions. I had to do an intense chakra and aura cleansing to release any astral leftovers that were transfered in the dream. Seeing River helped to heal me and I woke up feeling soooooo much better.

  I remember when River died. I was only like 11 at the time, but I was so upset and I cried over him because I had this puppy love thing for that one. In the dream he was really enchanting and it felt like we knew each other. I hope I see him again, I had a really lovely visit with him. I've been praying to dream of other people who want me in their dreams and I felt like River was happy that I was there.

   Right before I saw River, I was at the end of this long aisle and there was a groom standing there and Aurora was walking head of me, scattering rose petals like a little flower girl. I don't know if I was wearing the white dress or not...maybe if the groom had the same dream he saw me in the fairytale wedding dress. It's not like I can marry River though and the guy waiting for me at the alter wasn't him or anyone I know. :( God where is he?? Tell him I will be ready by the spring time, then you can throw him on the path and I'll drag him to the church kicking and screaming. No just kidding...I would never get married in a church...more like a mountain side or a huge boat or some tiny island with a bunch of waterfalls.

I know Jesus

For only as you forgive those who have blamed thee without a cause, those who have spoken viley of thee without reason, can the giver of life and light forgive thee--even though He came into experience that you, even you might know thy place with God, with thy maker. -Edgar Cayce reading 3660-1

Dirt

You, you are so special
You have the talent to make me feel like dirt
And you, you use your talent to dig me under
And cover me with dirt                                                                        -Layne Staley

 Gabriel took me. I was standing with a group of people and Gabriel told me it was time and he said, "Do you want to go see him?" 

  I knew exactly who he was talking about in the dream. Immediately I left with the angel and I went to a very secluded place. A guide let me in and then he pointed me down a hallway. As i was looking into various rooms I saw this man crying. He was curled up in a little ball and rocking back and fourth. I knew exactly where I was. I was in that fing heroin hell hole apartment he locked himself in.

  A room was to my right side and Layne was there sitting on the couch, watching this blurry TV that was replaying moments in his life. I noticed there were crosses and Jesus art hanging on the walls of the apartment. He was unaware or indifferent that I was there, he was locked on the TV in some kind of trance. His eyes were sunken back and he was really feeble and skinny. I think there was a tattoo on a shoulder...i don't know what it was..it could have been a skull or a cross...  I just recall seeing a tat on one of his shoulders.  I walked around behind him and stood to his right side. He didn't look up so I finally call to him, "Layne, Layne what are you doing?" His pupils were really dialated and it frightened me. I said, "Layne why are you doing this to yourself?" 
 
  He stood up and then it became clear that he thought I was some kind of groupie only interested in sex, so he unzipped his pants and he said, "Here, is this what you want? Will this make you happy?"

  I just wanted to talk to him, I didn't want to do it and i don't know why I did, it was like i wanted to cry when I was doing it. It did not go well at all and he began to get angry. He pulled his pants back up and the he cocked his hand back like he was going to slap me.  He got a glimpse of something on the wall behind me and he stopped, put is hand down and went back to watching that damn fuzzy TV like I wasn't even there.

 I was terrified. Not of Layne so much as I was terrified of the look in his eye. He thought I was only concered with his pants and that freaked me out.  He was watching these moments in his life flash across the TV like he was being forced to review the life. I feel like he was just forcing himself to do that, or maybe the guide that's there watching over him his making him sort through issues he didn't face...I really don't know. I stood there in horror and I didn't know what to do. I wondered why he didn't slap me because I knew he wanted to. i turned around to see what was on the wall that stopped Layne from hitting me. It was the picture I took with Chris and the band at the hard rock last year...the picture that looks like the last supper. I thought I would have peace over all of this by now, but when I saw that picture in the apartment with that poor boy all glazed-eyed, geeked out , and grinding his teeth on the sofa, the peace could not have been further from me.

   When I woke up I shouted "Jesus!" J already knew what I was going to ask. Jesus said to me, "He's not hurting anymore, that's just the way he is." 

   He just used the poems to throw dirt all over me. It doesn't even matter if he wants to apologize to Layne if he can't even apologize to the people who are still alive.

:(

I am starting to understand that the face of the dreamer doesn't always match his heart or his intentions. -Jessica

s

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams we can be together all the time." -Calvin & Hobbes 

 

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Comments

Hey Sis

Well, this has got to be a happy time for you, eh? :D  Are you shaking your groove thang yet?
I know i like what I hear.

xx Jill

Hey there beautiful! ;o)

I just wanted to say thank you for ALL your kind words =)
 they meant so much to me girl!
your so awesome! really thanks! I really did appreciate it
your a sweetie pie.

*BIG WARM HUGS*
jenn :)

You

You sure are a cutie

Hey Jessie

You are a nice lady. :)

Jill

Nope!

Still got finals and a wee of regular classes, and I am also trying to beat the heat, so how are things?   

Hey!

What's up?

smile

Hey little girl are you walking the walk or what?

Hey!

Not yet but I have MCAS the rest of the year basically...then FINALS man, a lot of schoolwork left befoe I can relax!

Sorry!

life is dull, so how are you these days?

Hey Jessica!

what is going on with you?

Hey!

Got back to school today, but bedides that my Monday was slow and rainy. 

hey!

What's going on Jessica! 

Hey

Oh nothing just went to church today, raked a few leaves, swept out the truck, housework and all the flotsam and jetsam in life, so, any big plans this week/    

Hey Jess!

What's going on?

Thank you

I understand getting carried away. :)

Jill

Great!

I loved it! How did yours go?

Hey!

How are you Jessica? Monday treating you well? 

A taste to ease the wait by Mix happy jessica

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=47TR7IX7

Hey!

I am I hope you are too!

Hello!

I just want to say that I LOVE your avatar, how are you? 

play me

Yes, I am the guitar.

=)

well that's the hottest eve I've ever seen girl :oP lol
I'm good thanks for asking.. hey
 I don't think we are friends on my myspace yet? I'll request you ;)

=)

Hey Just wanted to say Hi and tell ya
That's one hot ass pic of you Jess!

very sexxy ..red is so your color girl! ; )

Would He Rise For me?


CHeck it out "Burden in my Hand" Magdalene style by way of Jess. I thought it would be interesting to take the female perspective on this one...

I followed you into the desert to quench my holy thirst

I’d forgotten how to smile

I was at my worst living out the seven plagues of the earth

Down below my soul was trapped by a dark and lonely birth

The truth was lying as the demons were flying all around my hearth

Oh no there I go out in the Son’s time the Son is mine the Son is mine

John baptized my love today

Would He die for me?

I lost my soul again.

Would he redeem my glee?

Would He forgive me?

I’m down on bending knee.

I’m wailing in the sand as they pound the nail into His Hand

Open your heart and close your eyes so you can finally see

The love is strong and the light belongs to those who truly seek

Drink to health and squander your wealth and hold onto those you love

If you die you can truly live and will suffer no more up above

Just a palm leaf in my hand

I’m just the wine within His heart

He’s the voice inside my head

Guiding me out of the dark

So I’ll follow Him into Golgotha

As weepy as I am

I am the moon and He is the Sun

And we are the light of God

Oh no there He goes It’s supper time.

The bread is mine. The wine is fine.

I lost my groom today

Would he die for me?

I cried at his feet again

Would he die for me?

Would he rise for me?

I’m not the innocent, I’m just the nail into His hand

I washed His feet again

Would He rise for me?



 

in the name of

I am getting past the blog not working and giving me this jack shit message when I try to write <h1 id="mainTitle">The webpage cannot be found
</h1>"bad request"
You cannot be found! Let me write the mania, please, i need some outlet. So since I cannot access my inlet, my little dream haven, it's going out here for anyone to see. WHY
  That whole coming in the name of CHrist thing has really come back to haunt me in ways I never thought possible.

Hey girl!

Sorry late in getting back with ya. My new computer you dont turn it off. so It says I am online all the time on here and I have not been here in almost two weeks! So how are you? I am just chilling by the computer but it is dead on myspace and facebook. So I thought I would come here and check it out! You need to get a facebook! There is alot of us on there now! Big Hug to you from Texas! Cheryl ;)

Hey Girl!

Yeah pretty relaxing weekend. Just hung out on the computer and cleaned house! I was very sick with the flu the previous weekend. So in all not bad at all! How was yours? ;)

Hey Girl!

I have not been here in awhile, hope you did not wait long for the friend request! Nice to meet you.;) I see you have two of my friends below me, Steph and Jenn, great girls! Big Hug from Texas! Cheryl ;) Love your pic, mine was so bad with Chris , I took me out and left Chris in for my CC.com profile pic here ;)

When is your birthday, fellow Aquarian?

I read your blog about the Playboy Bunny club, it was great!!! If I was 25 instead 45 at that Vegas show, I would have been there too, lol! I was sooo tired from being up so late 3 nights in a row, I went back to my hotel room and took a long jacuzzi bath! I did get to hang with Jason, Pete, and Dave the roadie at a club the night before called the Double Down, it was a little rock club. Fun! And I got to hang a little with the guys in Earl Greyhound after the Vegas show, they signed a drumstick that my hubby caught. They were super nice. What fun that all was! I want to do it again!!!

No prob of course!

I Love your pic too! you look so happy and I love the red hair too! redheads are hot!

Thanks for the request!

What a great pix! You're absolutely adorable! Its great to meet you. xo, Scarlet

Hi!

Thanks for the friend request!! So sorry I didn't get to meet you in Vegas! Did you take that pic with Chris in Vegas??? I thought that there was not a m&g that night. Anyways, what an awesome pic! Could your smile be any bigger? You have the most incredible hair, BTW. As good as Chris', lol!

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