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Here is another pathetic post I sent to my 15 yr old bf b4 he dumped me even tho I'm 50+ :(
| Posted on May 3, 2011 | Comments (1) | Views: ()
I am ever flattered if they think I'm you but it's their narrow minds that leads them to such conclusions. They need to excuse their own behaviour to themselves and will simply lie even to themselves to do so. I think they know damn well that I am not you and they have more clues than that but they do not have strong enough character to be honest with themselves, they will create anything in their mind that will excuse the petty competitiveness and attention they vie for. They use each other as stepping stones and you notice they have a constant need to attack someone, if it's not me, then it's someone else they are targetting... like they think if they target someone they see as getting more attention than them then people will hate that person and like them and unfortunately there are too many sheep in the world and planty will go along with that. They can never be satisfied though because the people they get on board with them are people as petty as themselves and the people they really want to attain do not sink to their low levels and so they will never be satisfied and never be staified with the people they get to go along with them. The people they really want to attain are ironically the people they attack but what can you do when they make their own bed and burn their own bridges? No self respecting person would join them, they hope by belittling the ones they get obsessed with that that will reduce them to their low level and make them attainable to them and hey that's a lot less work than actually having a backbone and decency and having something worth attaining... they think if they can degrade those around them that they become superior, the ones that follow them do not need to be degraded because they view them as under them anyway... the ones they need to constantly degrade are the ones they see as having something that they don't and they desperately try and strip that person of it. They fail to realise that character comes from strength, sacrifice, hard work, decency, truth and conviction... putting in the hard yards yourself and not by attempting to degrade those who do in some petty vying for superiority. I'm obsessed with you but it comes from a place of adoration and not from a place of jealousy. I would never want to do to you what I've seen others do and what some do to me and others, that is why I care about what you think and do not want to harrass you where it is not wanted. I only want to give you what you want me to give you and that is why I get some kind of complex about whether or not you want me here. It's important to me that all the attentions I give you are actually wanted and I would not try and degrade you to place myself over you in order to try and attain you in some way. I like that this is a safe place and way for me to throw my affections around even if not physically and just mentally, you do not prey on my affections, you don't try and manipulate them, you just are what you are and you care enough to not want to use someone. You're a better person than I think you think you are. There's a lot about you that I admire. I'm not the type of person who respects people in any position as a given, I respect and like people on their merits and how they are to me and people that I like and care about... if I found you to be someone I did not like then I wouldn't be here professing all this to you and in spite of my adoration of you if you did something I don't like you'd know about it as you have known about it in the past as we have both here long, long time. People should always know where they stand with me and it is always based on the type of person I see you to be and not for any other reason. I in turn really appreciate knowing exactly where I stand with someone. I hate people who are two-faced or fake and I am always analysing people's intentions and motivations behind what they do and say as well as analysing my own. I try to be as honest about that with myself as is possible and I think yesterday I was simply wanting more from you than I have any right to ask or that I deserve or that you could give, you are already very generous with me with your time and everything and moreso than I am with you. I have no right to expect more from you than I give myself... my obsession leads me to be a bit unfair on you when it comes to what it is I want from you and what it is I want to give you. I also would hate to destroy the illusions that allow me to escape here and that allow me to adore you. The thoughts I have of you are very nice thoughts right now and I'd like to leave it that way because if I have something nice to think about in a day then that's... that's just more than I have when I do not think it. Thankyou for being you
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I am such a pathetic no life pedophile this is what I wrote my 15 yr old boy friend who dumped me
| Posted on May 3, 2011 | Comments (1) | Views: ()
a lot of circumstances are depressing me at the moment... a very small part of it was... and I know it sounds pathetic, but a small part of it was thinking that you don't care. You're really what keeps me comming here, you're one of the small handfull of people here that I like and of them all you're my favorite. It's silly but I felt like you cared more about the trolls than me, and I very clearly adore you, I felt like that I follow you around this forum doting on you but that you're more interested in people who follow others around slagging on them. It was baseless and paranoid and you've done nothing wrong at all, in fact most of the time you do everything right... I was just feeling needy. I hate the fuckheads who come here to do nothing more than harrass members like myself. Also I hate Bushido because I hate if I dote on someone and they give their attentions to people who do nothing to me but harrass me. None of it is your fault and all those feelings are only a very small part of what are other circumstances in my life that have nothing to do with you or the forum but to even just see that you messaged me, that you think of me and cared enough to ask, that small thing makes me feel much better about comming here. I actually do spend a fair amount time here as you know and while really it's an escape from the realities of my life, the more substanstial things that depress me, I spend enough time here that it can affect my feelings in general. I think you're brilliant and have a huge heart but I see you making posts about other people and they aren't nice posts and while I completely understand as the people who these unpleasant posts are about have made about 1000 more unpleasant posts about other people and yourself than you have made about them but I don't want to see people who aren't worth the time of day take up your headspace and then I guess I feel a bit jealous when I see them taking up your headspace by slagging on others and I feel like I lose my space with you, a space I feel I got not from slagging on others but from the interest I show you. You must be fully aware of the members who flame me constantly, I'm not the first to be under attack but I do not run and hide like some do and I can give as good as I get but I do not initiate it. I am not here to follow around people who I do not even like, they get more time and thought from me than they should get from anyone because the way they get it is nothing short of disgusting in my eyes. I feel like I understand your wavelength a lot of the time. I'm sorry for thinking the way I did and remember what happens here is only a very small part of other factors affecting my life but I want you to know that you have made me feel good. We are not the centre of each other's world and it is weird to care what someone you've never met thinks but I do care what you think and I didn't want to keep following you around if you were more interested in the attentions of people who I think are shit than mine. As I said though all that is baseless and really the circumstances in my life outside the forum affect my feelings in the forum more than the other way around if that makes any sense and I have just been feeling insecure in general lately but you are not the cause of that and you've actually made me feel a bit better so thankyou.
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